Category: Writing

It’s been an exciting couple of weeks but I’ve not been blogging as much as I should have done.  The next few days are likely to see a succession of announcements as I catch up.  Some exciting things are in the works.

One thing I should have announced is my second EMLN blog post: Is Creative Writing a Pyramid Scheme?

“Creative Writing is a big business. A few years ago the BBC claimed there were more than 600 full time creative writing degree courses at British universities. These included options such as Accountancy with Creative Writing (currently available at the University of Derby).  Hundreds of less-formal courses are available, as well as shorter seminars and residential breaks. Requiring little more than desk space and a tutor, such courses are easy to put on and profitable.” [continues here]

This post is something I’ve been thinking about for a while (I almost gave a brief presentation on it in the 10-minute zone at last year’s Litcamp).  In between my article being submitted on May 1st and published on the 8th, an excellent article appeared on the Guardian website covering similar ground.  Ian Jack’s post, The Age of the Gifted Amateur has returned, argues that the profession of author is a  recent, and likely short-lived, occupation.  It includes the staggering figure that “Britain is probably turning out about 1,300 “creative writers” every year.”  What are they all doing with their qualifications?  Jack concludes:

“We need to weigh the smashed hopes of creative writers against the financial needs of their tutors, who are themselves writers, and earning the kind of money that writing would never supply. A closed little dance: tutors teach students who in turn teach other students, like silversmiths in a medieval guild where a bangle is rarely bought though many are crafted, and everyone lives in a previous world.” [continues here]

Some interesting follow-ups to Ian Jack’s article can be found here, here, here and here.  There are also some thoughtful responses in the comments of my blog post which I hope to respond to later this week.

• A lovely article on the Choose What You Read campaign which asks people if they'd prefer to be reading books instead of free newspapers.  They've also taken to handing out novels at stations.  Great quote: "I remember when the novel White Teeth by Zadie Smith came out –
  everyone was reading that. You could pretty much read the whole book
  over a few weeks just by looking over somebody’s shoulder."
• A lovely story by Derby's Nathan Good: Invisible Girls with Green Eyes.  It's only 1200 words.  Go read it now!
• Bands as portals (via Simon Reynolds)
• Profile of Vincent Connare who invented Comic Sans: "[a woman] broke up with her boyfriend in a letter written in Comic Sans to soften the blow"
• Video footage of Sara Crowley reading Porn Mallow at Sparks. Sara has had some great short stories up lately and also recently wrote a great post about her sons.

Last night I went to the Low Carbon Cabaret, an event held in aid of Brighton’s Naked Bike Ride.  I’d been asked along by my friend Naomi Foyle, one of the performers.  I’d no idea who else was playing but the line-up was great.  Count Adriano Fettucine was compere, the Young Hannoverians performed an excerpt from their ‘poetic rock opera’ Owl Man and there were some very odd burlesque acts including Size Zero Albino doing a ‘Birdy Song’ fan-dance.   Songs about candiru, musical saws and striptease are evidently perfect ingredients for a night out.

Which leads on to the announcement that I’ve been invited to read at Glue Gun ’91 at the Victory.  I’ll be doing a ten minute slot, reading a couple of new clown stories.  Glue Gun ’91 is pretty much unique: the last night started with a birdcage filling with easter chicks  to the sound of the Carpenter’s ‘Close to You’, featured the live cooking of a Mystery cake and squeezed in the complete history of the world.   You don’t want to miss  this.  You know what else: it’s free to get in!

I've been very busy with creative work over the last few weeks.  I've mentioned some of the things I've been working on (such as Trailer Trash, the Literature Network blog and Short Fuse Leicester) and missed others (like Pictour, clown stories for Glue Gun '91 and a night of readings in June).

One of the things I should have announced is that I've got a story in the current issue (number four) of Notes From the Underground.  It's a small story about Scrabble, 55 words tucked away on page 4, but it's a piece I'm fond of and I'm glad it's found a home.  Notes From The Underground is FREE from various locations.  You should definitely pick up a copy, and not just to sell on ebay when Zack Snyder one day films my clown novel; there are some lovely stories, each perfectly timed at just a few minutes of reading, and an article from Kathy Lethe about visiting a strip club with John Mortimer.

Thanks to Sunita for posting me a copy of the new issue. 

On Tuesday I read at Short Fuse Leicester. It was a fantastic night. I had an easy three hour train journey, allowing me lots of time to relax beforehand. I went for a curry with my friend Jen, who recommeded Kayal, saying its food was very different to what I'd find in Brighton. I ate an incredible mango-based dish which I'm still craving more of a couple of days later.

Leicester's Y Theatre is a lovely, plush venue with by far the biggest stage I've read on. The theme for the night was Sweetbread, Bitter Bread and Polly had chosen six interesting (if somewhat grim!) stories. I particularly enjoyed Bead Robert's story about clocks, which sparked some interesting discussions about pigs on our table, and Jo Cannon's story about grief. Headlining was Tara Gould with her story Little Birds, and Tara gave one of the best performances I've seen from her.

One of the things I love about reading my work out loud is that it can draw out aspects of the story that aren't obvious on the page. Particularly when reading a first-person piece, the line between writer and characters can become clouded. The night was particularly interesting for me because I was reading in front of my Mum for the first time. I'm not sure what she made of her son reading a story about bondage, but she said it was well-read.

Another great thing about nights like Short Fuse is getting to meet other people who are interested in writing. I knew a few of the people there from online such as Jo Cannon, who I workshop with,  Damien Walter who organises the Literature Network site I blog for and Lydia Towsey, one of the other bloggers.

It was a fantastic night and I hope to be there again before long. The next Short Fuse Leicester event is in May and features a short-story from poet Jean-Binta Breeze. Thank you to Polly and everyone else who made it such a lovely night.

• Dan Rhodes responds brilliantly to his critics (via Richard Blandford)
• Roger Ebert on telling jokes: "Like knife-throwing, joke-telling should never be practiced except by experts."  The essay includes a fascinating observation about stage height and ten rules for telling jokes.
• We need a break – a lovely article where Scott Pack suggests publishers take a break from releasing new content. 
• Plans.  Needs.  Blues. is a great story by Sara Crowley. It's less than 500 words, so don't tarry and click the link.
• Max Dunbar on some drawbacks to self-publishing.  Max's blog is well worth following.

I will be appearing at Short Fuse Leicester on April 21st at Leicester's Y Theatre.  It's a very exciting night for me as it will be the first time my parents have heard me read in public.

The theme for the night is "Sweetbread, Bitter Bread".  Headlining is Tara Gould, reading her story 'Little Birds'.  I'll be reading a story called 'meat'.  Also appearing are Kate Niland,  Jo Cannon, Bead Roberts and my friend Rosy Carrick.  Tickets cost £7, or £5 concessions, and can be ordered online or by calling 0116 255 7066.

Full details on the forthcoming event, as well as last month's, are available here.  Do come along if you can as this will be awesome!

I was recently invited to write some blog posts for literaturenetwork.org.  Over the next 12 months I'm going to be writing about the limitations and opportunities of creative writing.  The first post, How Many Readers Do You Need? is now up:

"Every creative writing course hints: it could be you. They
promise access to agents and the chance to break into the world of
publishing. After years of perseverance, of writing in coffee shops and
cold flats, your novel might be published and become huge. You too
could be as big as JK Rowling."

Please do visit the original post and leave a comment if you like it.  Ian Hocking posted an interesting response, raising the questions "What would motivate a person to contribute financially? How would the writer get in touch with these people to start with?"

Since writing the original post I've discussed the issues involved with a few people and the main question I'm left with is how many people am I a true fan of?  Is there anyone I've given 1/2000th of a living wage to in the last year?  How many people are ever likely to be supported by true fans?

Some of those questions might be answered in some later posts.  Meanwhile I'm drafting a post for May on why the novel is almost dead, and why that doesn't matter.

Last Sunday I read at Short Fuse's erotica night.  I was more nervous than normal since the material was very different – I don't often stand in front of large groups saying words like  'clitoris'.  It was less stressful than I expected and I was happier with the reading than usual.  In fact the only problem was the intro I wrote, which was evidently less amusing than I'd thought.

I really enjoyed the other readers too, but best of all was Catherine Smith.  Her reading of a filthy story called Telepathy was a revelation, one of the best readings I've seen.  All in all a lovely and inspiring evening.  I want to write some more erotica in the future.

The problem with this weblog is that I don't always have exciting things to talk about but when too many things are happening I don't have time to post.  Consequently the weblog documents the moderately exciting times in my life. 

Life has been pretty good lately, apart from a disastrous trip to the park this afternoon. First a bird used me for a toilet and then I feel over in the playground.  Somehow I avoided swearing and was very brave and didn't cry, but – MY KNEE HURTS!

I'm going to spend the rest of the evening sulking.

What did I do at the weekend?

Well, I spent Sunday revising a story, which involved reading a great deal of Anais Nin.  Reading industrial doses of erotica is a strange thing.  After the first hundred pages or so it all blurs together.  You turn the page, hoping for a surprise and…  Oh wow, people fucking again.  

Still, I persevered, finished the story, and sent it off.  I received an email this morning to say it's been accepted and I will be reading The Dirty Bits at Short Fuse's erotica night this Sunday.

The story is on it's 3rd title, having previously been called Dirty Books and Madrugada.  I originally wrote it back in 2007 and it's waited on my hard drive since then.  The revised version is much stronger, and features excerpts (samples?) from Anais Nin and Georges Bataille. It's going to be an interesting piece to read aloud, a little showier than my usual pieces. 

Short Fuse is on March 8th in the Komedia's Studio Bar and costs £4 entry.  The night also features short stories from Tom Rice, Afsaneh Gray, Naomi Foyle and the poet Catherine Smith. It should be quite a night.