Category: monthnotes

After spinning so many plates last month, October had several being dropped. November looks like being a little calmer, which is a relief, but I’m longing for my Christmas break already. Among the month’s highlights were the Brighton launch of Rosy’s book I Love…, where I performed tarot readings, and the Hebden Bridge launch, where I was the support act.

It’s been a struggle to keep the writing on track against an unrelenting tide of work. I’ve had a few deadlines to chase, including the Advent Calendar and the Parish News. Once those are out the way, I’m going to change my approach to writing to feature fewer deadlines.

It’s been another month of minimal exercise, helped a little by Rosie the Puppy staying. I managed to keep my weight under control, ending October at exactly the same weight that I started it. Realistically, I won’t begin any new routines around exercise until some time in December, so for now it’s mostly damage limitation.

I read seven books, including a couple of re-reads. I remembered Terry Pratchett’s Reaper Man fondly; while the good bits remained excellent, much of the book’s humour was tiresome. I also re-read Code is Just and Annie Jacobsen’s Nuclear War, the latter a dystopian book group pick. Brainwyms was a horrific and shocking novel, at the very edge of what I think is acceptable – sometimes over that. I loved the White Pube book, Poor Artists, which described the challenges facing artists today, but ended on a hopeful note.

At the cinema, One Battle After Another didn’t really work for me. The Smashing Machine felt underwhelming, despite some great performances. Far more fun was Japanese time-travel comedy Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes. House of Dynamite was unbearably tense. I caught up with Severance but this was perhaps the wrong pick for the first full week of office work since the pandemic. I also saw Dreaming of You: The Making of The Coral, an inspiring documentary about creativity. .

As part of Rosy’s Brighton book launch, I read tarot cards. It was a fun, challenging and draining activity, but I’m glad I did it. I’ve been struggling to learn tarot cards for 30 years, so setting a deadline worked well. It turns out reading tarot in a club is an intense experience, and the cards were often mischievous.

At the start of October, I spoke at the Leeds AWS group which was fun, but I wasn’t entirely happy with my preparation. Otherwise, work continued at a fast pace with too many meetings. I’ve not written any code in a while.

I’ve taken Mastodon, LinkedIn, and RSS off my phone to see whether that gives me more space to think. I’m considering uninstalling Whatsapp: I loathe everything Meta is doing to our world, but the network effects make leaving that network difficult.

Andy Goldsworthy is one of my favourite artists, and I was determined to see his retrospective in Edinburgh. I ended up doing this as a day trip which was crazy, but I’m glad I did.

• I have a good dentist, but even a minor check-up leaves me feeling shaky and exhausted. I guess I’ll always be that way.
• I watched a 12-minute Fred Dibnah documentary and, frankly, it made the Netflix movie Fall seem tame.
• I read an issue of Wyrd Science Magazine because the interviewed John Higgs and loved it so much that I bought all the back issues I could.
• I found an excellent list of the 40 saddest albums ever made.

The saying is, if you want something done, ask a busy person. And I have been so very busy. It seems as if I work better when there’s little margin for error. I’ve been making time to rest, wasting hours when I need to, and I feel better than usual for it. But most of the time I’ve been working towards a series of deadlines.

But I’ve not compromised on the rest of my life. I had a lovely visit from my friend Kate Frances. At the end of the month I spent a weekend in Madrid where Rosy and I visited my friend David. The highlight of the trip was visiting the Museo Reina Sofia, where I finally saw Guernica. That’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.

Just before I set off for Madrid, the copies of Rosy’s new book I Love… arrived at the house. I took a copy when I met her in Spain. I’ve not had as much time to sit with the book as I’d have liked, but the poems I’ve read are beautiful and moving.

Work has been intense, but fun. I finished my assignment with one team, and moved to another within my current client. I was also involved in setting up a series of day-long assessment meetings. On top of everything else, I agreed to give a talk in October, which was a little more work than I needed. I failed to write any weeknotes all month, but I can pick those up when life is calmer.

I attended both sessions for my writing group this month. The day clashes with my 5-hour commute, but I am determined to get back to it. I wrote a story I liked, Flagalanche, and had to write a poem for another session. By the month’s end I was into the final revisions on the advent calendar, looking for errors (very glad I caught the ‘stationary shop’). I’ve a lot of writing deadlines on that I’ve been avoiding with occasional work on Swedish Pizza, which is taking on a sort of shape.

I’m thinking of ending my weekly email commitment on substack and moving to something irregular. Sending out these emails has been good practise, but I want space to write longer things. Ideally, these longer works will be made up from fragments, some of which will be sent as the irregular emails.

I put on 2 pounds in September, which has me tickling my maximum weight (previously reached in early 2024). I’m now cutting out the comfort food and stress eating. I will need to do more exercise. While going to the gym was effective, fitting it around my schedule was too stressful. I should move back to the Fitbit, but my device is no longer keeping a charge properly, so I’ll need a replacement.

I’ve been quite distractible so finished only five books. Nona the Ninth was another good Tamsyn Muir book that, once again, I found hard to follow. I re-read Tender is the Flesh for the Todmorden dystopian book group and still can’t believe how hard it goes. I finished reading The Immortal Hulk omnibus – an interesting spin on the character, turning the Hulk into a horror story. The Authority omnibus was a mixed bag. It’s like Warren Ellis knew the concept had 12 classic issues in it and that’s why he stopped. Seeing Mark Millar replace the wit with homophobia is depressing.

I saw several movies, mostly at the cinema. Darren Aronofsky’s Caught Stealing would have been better if it hadn’t fridged a character. The Long Walk was good, but didn’t have the scale to be great. The Ceremony was a haunting movie set in Bradford and deserves wider exposure. The Hebden Bridge Picturehouse put on a showing of Babe, a movie I’d never seen before. It was incredible. Eddington had a lot going on but didn’t do much with it. Naked Gun was funny, but not as funny as I’d hoped.

Part of my relaxation has been playing video games. I’ve now done most of The Last of Us 2 in chronological mode, along with the occasional bit of No Return mode. I did pick up Hollow Knight but I don’t seem to be getting that. When things calm down, I’ll probably watch a few tutorials and try again

World politics continued to be depressing. Alongside America’s slide into repression, we have the rise of the right in the UK. It’s particularly terrifying to see American billionaires who control media companies aligning themselves with Tommy Robinson. I am terrified by how disconnected people are from reality. On my flight back from Spain, I saw the phone of the man sat beside me, the appalling racism on his Facebook feed. People are being subjected to propaganda with no counter-arguments.

September 24th was the first day when I left from and returned to the station in the dark. It was a longer day that usual but, even so, it’s a sign of the year’s end. I’m already looking forward to Christmas.

I tried to fit a little too much into September. Everything just about held together, but I dropped a few things at the start of October (writing the monthnotes being one of them). I also struggled with my sleep, and felt ill at times. It’s nice to know I can get everything done, but I’m not planning to be this busy again for a while.

• I watched a few Best of the Internet compilations, and hurt my back from laughing so much.
• One of my early plans for Christmas is making this Christmas movie list.
• The new NIN record, a soundtrack to Tron: Ares, turned out to be one of their best records in years.

• Rosy and I have bought Nick Cave tickets for July next year.
• John Searle’s death was announced at the end of September. I wrote my MA dissertation on his ‘debate’ with Derrida, one of the most mis-matched intellectual competitions in history.
• My favourite herbal tea in the world is a Swedish one, made with peppermint, lemongrass and tulsi. I was very sad when it was discontinued, but Lou Ice found a the last few boxes in a remote supermarket

August was about balancing rest with being busy. The month started with a holiday in Wales – visiting some friends before spending three nights in a cabin with no screens (including no phone). I was a little anxious about being uncontactable, but I loved the calm. It was a restful and wholesome break – I made a couple of meals for my hosts and their resident artists, and enjoyed some peace and quiet. Otherwise, life has been busy. I’ve enjoyed the challenge of having too much to do (and I’m getting more done than usual) but I’m also aware that I’m close to capacity.

Summer in the valley has been lovely. We had several visitors to the house and I made a couple of trips. I visited Blackpool for my Aunt’s 85th, and it was good to catch up with family. I also went to my friend Toria’s wedding in Liverpool. I took the opportunity of that to join my friend Tommy’s Beatles bus tour, which was as great as I’d been promised.

I did very little exercise in August. My weight drifted upwards, and I put back half of what I lost in July. It’s time to add some regular exercise back into the mix, and to take a little more control of my diet. I’m putting the fitbit back on for September, albeit at a much lower step goal.

My writing is going well. Despite the pressures of work, I’ve continued the weekly substack. Rage and Dead Loss at the Newcastle Sausage Roll Eating Contest were both written for the Wednesday Writers group, although I failed to make the August sessions in person. When I travel to Leeds, I take an hour in Starbucks before starting work, which has generated some good ideas. Another batch of potential stories came from In A Land’s Rituals workshop. I also re-read the novella I wrote in April/May. I couldn’t remember the details beforehand. While it hasn’t worked, the good bits were excellent.

Thanks to my holiday, I read 14 books (although a couple were quite short). The Seep was an interesting queer utopia. Boff Whalley’s essay collection But: Stories of Disruption and Digression left me wishing there were more books like that. My re-read of Adrian Mole reached The Wilderness Years. Mole doesn’t seem to work as an adult protagonist rather than a confused teenager, but the book’s ending was moving. Lally MacBeth’s The Lost Folk was an inspiring book about the range of UK folk culture, and its importance. I’ve been making my way through Al Ewing’s The Immortal Hulk saga. Best book of the month was Alison Rumfitt’s Tell Me I’m Worthless, a shocking and transgressive trans horror novel set in Brighton.

It was a good month for movies. Bring Her Back was intense and gory, with some images I can’t get out of my head. Weapons didn’t work for me, but I appreciated what they attempted. Fantastic Four started strongly but tapered off to become just another Marvel movie. I rewatched L’il Peep documentary Everybody’s Everything and was as impressed as the first time; amazing to think what he achieved by 21, and such a loss. The Life of Chuck felt cinematic, but failed to stick with me. I signed up for Disney Plus to watch Alien: Earth and didn’t manage more than two episodes.

I’m back to playing video games, although I seem to have dropped Death Stranding 2 completely. Instead, I’m playing The Last of Us Part 2, and its new chronological mode. Going back to the story after No Return mode has made things feel much easier. I’m close to finishing Day One.

The new Ethel Cain album came out and I love it. The songs have quickly become favourites, particularly the single Nettles. I haven’t had time to explore the Ethel Cain story’s universe, but I will when I find a decent fan guide. I’ve also been playing Taylor Swift’s 10-minute epic All Too Well. I visited Leeds with Lizi for the rave-nostalgia VR experience In Pursuit of Repetitive Beats. Some interesting moments but I found the VR aspects alienating.

The end of the company financial year makes work intense – the appraisal cycles ramp up while lots of people are on leave. I’ve taken on a large extra role but I don’t mind. I enjoy collaborating with my colleagues in the office, something I would have sneered about earlier in my career. I think one difference is that we work together as part of a huge business rather than enriching a specific founder. On top of work I’ve just about kept up with my weeknotes (35-34, 33-30) and wrote a short piece on the 25th anniversary of the Joel Test.

The awful political situation in England has become noticeable, even without reading the news. Tension from the right wing was reflected in seeing someone at a public event in St Annes walking around in a T-shirt for fascist band Skrewdriver, which included a slogan for ‘white power’. Travelling back from Liverpool, we found ourselves at the mercy of the train systems. The Manchester/Leeds line was broken and the train staff sent us via Preston, where we were then told to go home via Sheffield, a frankly deranged suggestion. It feels like everything is falling apart, and everyone just goes along with it. I think we’re doomed to Farage being our next Prime Minister – because he is the only major political leader who promises things improving again in my lifetime. He can’t even run his own party, his racist ideas are wrong – but I can see why people will vote for something more than parties that manage an ongoing collapse.

The end of the year brings a series of projects. As well as work commitments, I’m working on the advent calendar, Mycelium Parish News, and a performance about tarot reading. I carefully considered whether I wanted to do so much and decided to go for it. It will be a race to the end of the year. But I want to have a think at the turn of the year about whether to reprioritise my life.

I’ve complained a few times about being busy, but one positive outcome of that is that I am now focussing on goals rather than getting trapped in administrative tasks like inbox zero. I also had a dream after the holiday about my writing, and how the important thing is to go sentence-by-sentence rather than getting lost in the other aspects. Obvious, but then all the best advice is – you just need the right advice at the right time.

• The Todmorden Folklore Centre continues to put on amazing events, the most recent one being Holly talking about feminism and conspiracy theory.
• KFC have launched an alternate reality game. Back in 2001 I worked for an agency that had KFC as a client, and tried to pitch doing this. Our plan was fairly ragged, but it’s amusing to see this happening 24 years later.
• On the train to Leeds this week someone was watching a landscape video with their phone in portrait mode and I didn’t know if I should say something to them.
• Joe Hill wrote a lovely piece about the importance of ‘the set’, taking a little time to do nothing, away from the smartphone.

• Moi Outside, one of my favourite coffee shops in Hebden Bridge, closed at the end of the month. Two more have opened up in its place.
• I’ve become a huge fan of Leeds queer indie bookshop, The Bookish Type, mainly for its excellent horror selection.
• In further signs of this country falling apart, people using phones without headphones on trains are getting more common. Fucking barbarians. I can just about drown out their noise with over-the-ear headphones.
• I get up early for my commutes. This month I found myself showering while it was still dark outside. Knowing winter is coming feels melancholy.

July was a good month, although life continued to feel exhausting. Despite my tiredness, I made an effort to be more sociable. I explored the local artists’ studios event, went to a poetry night and an Art Club, visited the folklore centre and attended the launch of a zine I’m in. We also had visitors at the house, including James, Alex and Gus the Dog on the hottest day ever (I got sunburned). Rosie the puppy came to stay and it was lovely to see her.

I travelled down to Brighton (the third time in three months!) for Sooxanne’s show on Wilde Volk, which took place inside Rottingdean Windmill. It was a wonderful Brighton event – some old friends and new came along, and there was a mummer’s play. The event was a huge success, and I’m so happy that Sooxanne has finally shared her work. As a bonus, I also got to spend a day with Tom, and played Dance Dance Revolution for the first time.

I took July off from tracking my steps and also paused my gym membership, since planning the sessions had become too stressful. However, through concentrating on my diet, I managed to lose a pound. This is significant, as I’ve gained weight every month since November, when I started my new work role. I’m going to continue seeing how things go in August and will probably return to the gym in autumn.

Writing was a struggle in July, given the weight of my work. I’ve continued the weekly substack, which had its second birthday. Favourite July pieces were Sharper Knives and Enjoy Haworth’s Literary Heritage. Rosy reviewed the 2025 Advent calendar, and I did some initial work on the fourth Mycelium Parish News. I also had a piece published in Bryony Good’s In a Land zine. I’m itching for a more involved project, and am considering several options. Whatever I do, it needs to be fun rather than stressful.

My reading was even slower than my writing in July with only two books finished. I mostly tried to catch up with a backlog of Kindle articles. I re-read The True Confessions of Adrian Mole, which is not as good as the others, being more a collection of snippets (one is a fairly obvious Thatcher parody, where the jokes rely on knowing the personalities of the 1980s cabinet). Despite the slow pace of my reading, I’m still accumulating books at an alarming rate.

I enjoyed the new David Cronenberg film, The Shrouds, despite some misogynistic scenes (Rosy left for the pub halfway through). F1: The Movie was disappointing, a missed opportunity. Yellowjackets was all over the place in season 3, but ended on a good point. Rosy and I also watched the new Adam Curtis show, Shifty. It included amazing footage but failed to land a lot of its points. I do think he’s right about the loss of shared truths in society, and that’s something we need to cultivate.

Death Stranding 2 has been a slow burn – a little too much like the original, but with more shooting – and combat was the least interesting part of the first game. I’d rather the sequel focussed on connection, landscape and story. I’m less into it than I expected, but the addition of a chronological mode to The Last of Us 2 has not yet tempted me away.

I’m not sure where my reading and writing time went in July. I have been feeling a little swamped, and it never feels like I have enough time. I also failed to make the two writing group meetings in July, which is a shame. I’m trying to reduce the amount of clutter in my life, both physical and virtual. It’s helping, but slowly. I’ll never be a minimalist, but it’s good to aim in that direction.

As tough as work is, I’m still enjoying the challenge of it. I had a vivid dream in July where I resigned from my job to become a freelancer/contractor. I then changed my mind because of the things I love about being part of the company. It felt like a useful message from my subconscious. While I’d prefer to be writing code or running a team, I still like my role – and managing my own stress levels is a fundamental part of consultancy.

I’m rekindling my love of tech. I’ve started writing weeknotes (week 27, week 28, weeks 29/30) to capture everything that I’m learning. It’s extra work, but it makes sense to consolidate all the things I read – particularly given what an exciting time this is. We’ve kicked off an event at work exploring AmazonQ, and it’s been fun learning about this alongside other people (I also blogged about that: week 1, week 2). One of the reasons I love work is being part of a community, even if it is a significant commitment on top of the client work.

• I watched someone cheat at a raffle this month. That should be impossible, and I’m impressed that they pulled it off twice.
• Rosy has been working on her new collection, and I heard a couple of pieces from it. I’m very excited to hear the full thing.
• It says something that the Wu-Tang Clan had a Farewell Tour, and I only found out after it ended. The Imperial Phase feels like a long time ago.
• I took a lunchtime art trip in Leeds and visited the land art exhibition at the Henry Moore Institute. It was very small but worth seeing.

• On another lunchtime outing, I discovered queer Indie bookshop The Bookish Type, which I immediately fell in love with.
• I don’t read much on AO3, but it contains some gems such as Death Stranding: Unreleased Early Production Notes by DeepskyShifter (OminousHummingObelisk).
• I learned about the Silver Sisterhood from 50 Years of Text Adventures and a friend told me that they may have spent some time in Hebden Bridge.

June was a busy month. Challenging too, but overall I liked it. I took a week off to hike the South Downs Way, attended Kitty and John’s wedding, had lots of visitors in the valley and a couple of nights out – even staying up past midnight. Crab and Bee stopped here on their Peakrill Press tour and I also made a much-delayed visit to Liverpool.

My step count for the month was 521,628 steps, an average of 17,388, with a peak of 59,174, walking from Cocking to Upper Beeding. It was the highest monthly total since September 2022. But I’ve decided to stop tracking my steps for a while – as a metric, it’s ceased to be useful, given the time taken and stress caused. Gym attendance was spotty due to both me and my PT. My weight continues to rise, averaging a pound a month since starting my current work engagement. I need to get a grip.

This month’s step count was boosted by hiking 75 miles of the South Downs Way. A day or so into the walk, I realised that I don’t enjoy solo hiking. Normally, I’d force myself to go through with a commitment like this, but age brings wisdom and I cut out 25 miles in favour of more time in Brighton. I’ve walked the section I cut many times, so I don’t feel I missed out. The trail itself felt underwhelming – far too many annoying cyclists and the food was terrible. The last two sections were walked with Katharine and Emma and more than made up for the first 55 miles.

Between work and the hike, I’ve not had as much focussed writing time as I’d like. I completed the first draft of this year’s horror advent calendar and started playing with a performance idea. On the substack, my favourite piece this month was Professor Scarecrow. I’m increasingly feeling like I need a larger-scale writing project of some type, and will be thinking about that in July.

I never seem to enjoy computer games as much as I’d like to, but I played a fair amount of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 in June. I loved the French setting and the basic play loop was mostly compelling – although the final section felt a little grindy. Death Stranding 2 arrived at the end of the month, but I’ve not had chance to get into that properly.

Most of my TV/movie time was taken up watching Yellowjackets season 2 with Rosy – otherwise I re-watched I Saw the TV Glow, and went to Manchester with Muffy for 20 Years Later (which was very OK). I appreciated the attempt to make a moving family drama in such a grim setting, but 28YL wasn’t dark enough for my liking.

Getting away from the laptop for the hike gave me the headspace to read the first two books of Tamsyn Muir’s highly-complicated Locked Tomb series. I’ve also been re-reading the Adrian Mole books, prompted by debating them with Rosy over the dinner table. They still make me laugh, 40 years later. I also read Tom King’s Jenny Sparks comics, which turned Ellis’s weary character into a collection of tropes and smart-alec lines. Smoking is not a personality.

Virgin, the new Lorde album came out at the end of the month. With streaming, its a lot harder for an album to break through for me than it would be if I’d invested in a CD. The first few listens of this one annoyed me, while also making me very aware of my age compared to Lorde. But it does seem to be getting traction.

Dan said that I’m very open with things on this blog. I feel like it’s good to be as open as I can be, although I do keep a lot back. The main reason for keeping these monthnotes is that writing them in public is a good thing – knowing a few people are writing them forces a certain polish. Over time, they help me see trends in my life, which I might otherwise miss.

June involved a lot of social events. Rosy and I went to a couple of gigs at the Trades Club. One of these was by a friend of ours, which was followed by late-night drinks, the first time I can remember doing that since the pandemic. I also visited some friends in Liverpool, mixing together a few groups. I have a resistance to going out, but I never regret leaving the house to see people. The wedding was particularly great, with a scattered community of friends gathered together. Visiting the Folklore Centre made me think I should hang out there more often – if I’m going to spend a couple of hours of my weekend writing, why do it in the house? So, more going out in the future. I do miss drinking though – I feel healthier for stopping, but I miss the energy of going out for drinks.

Work continues to feel tough with both client and consultancy work. I spent a lot of time working towards an in-person Java event and was disappointed at how few attendees we attracted. It’s been a while since I put an event on and things have obviously changed. Still, I’m glad I tried, and there are lots of other exciting things to move onto. 

• We celebrated my Mum’s 80th birthday which was lovely. I also got to see my niece’s lambs while visiting.
• I’m still delighted about having more control over my headaches. It all seems to be down to hydration. I’m also amazed it took me so very long to figure that out.
• I’m not sure how I feel about Spotify’s CEO investing his huge profits in defence companies. My listening should not be helping to kill people. I’ve been on Spotify for years, but maybe it’s time to move services.
• I mostly ignore the news but my nuclear paranoia was high during the conflict with Iran.
• At Waterloo station there were dozens of women in black suit jackets with bald wigs and painted-on stubble. Thanks to the Internet I found out they were off to see the rapper Pitbull.
• I loved this video of people on a ten-meter diving board

May has had some wonderful high points, although work continues to squat toad-like on my life (although I still mostly love my job). I’m better than I was at the start of this year but, despite two bank holidays, I still feel battered and behind with everything. Things are slowly improving, not least because summer has come to the valley. Everything looks green and lush and the days are stretched out long past my waking hours. It feels good to be here.

I spent a week hiding out in Blackpool, and we also got to celebrate Rosy’s birthday, which included a visit from her daughter. Our new household is settling in, with some long neglected jobs finally getting done. I made a flying visit to Brighton for ‘Rosy Carrick’s Poetry Gangbang’, which was on for two nights in the Brighton Fringe. I performed on the second night. I was nervous about reading prose among such an impressive poetry line-up and was delighted that I held my own. I stayed out late on the Friday, and made very few arrangements to see people – so apologies for anyone I did not catch up with. I loved the short visit to Brighton, but it also confirmed that I am happy to have moved to the valley.

I continue struggling with physical activity. The month’s step total was 413,499, an average of 13,338 steps, with the peak being 19,350, wandering around Blackpool and Hebden Bridge. My weight is still drifting, which I think is due to stress. One good thing I’ve noticed – while I still have occasional headaches, the ones I do have are changed. I have fewer long duration ones with weird auras – an improvement that’s come about from paying more attention to hydration.

I’m continuing to try new things with my writing, trying to work out how I can work in longer forms. I experimented with writing a novella – I set it aside, but it was a useful experiment. I made a Wednesday Writers session, determined not to let work keep getting in the way, and loved it. My favourite story on the substack this month was The Cooking Pot, which might become part of a longer thing in time.

I continue to enjoy my job, although I’m still not feeling settled with my current client – and I’ve been with them six months. There is a lot of inertia around my role, and it’s hard to produce changes that would make things more comfortable. Much of my work energy is going into the client side, meaning I have less capacity for the ‘side-of-desk’ work, and those commitments are harder to keep up with. It’s all basic stuff, but hard to fix in the moment. I suspect I’m doing better than I think I am, but how I feel about my work is one of the most important things to keep an eye on.

I made it to the cinema a few times over May. Thunderbolts* was a decent MCU film, and 28 Days Later was intense but felt less innovative than when I first saw it. I watched Sinners twice in the cinema. I’m excited by that film in a way I’ve not been about a film since Star Wars as a kid. Beyond how well crafted it was, it opens up whole areas of history and music I’ve not thought about in depth. The soundtrack is superb. I find myself thinking back to that ending, the last few lines of the film, and how beautiful they were.

I’ve also watched a little TV. Rosy and I had Yellowjackets as a regular show, which meant a third watching of season 1, but it maintained my interest. Returning to From season 3 was hard work, and I might just read the synopsis for this one. The Last of Us was mostly annoying, with the adaptation feeling in conflict with the original. Doctor Who has undergone a spectacular renaissance, feeling like essential TV once more. I’ve not liked all of the episodes this season, but they all attempted to do something interesting. We’re standing on the edge of the series being cancelled once more, and it’s a great way to go out.

My reading this month was mostly trying to get my kindle back under control, abandoning a number of half-read books. I did stomp my way through a Brian Eno biography (music books are relaxing) and a history of the Labour party’s 2024 victory. I also blogged about Exterminate! Regenerate!, John Higgs’ recent book on Doctor Who and about Ultra-Processed People. I’ve also found myself hooked by Saga, the Brian K. Vaughan comic series – it took a while to grow on me. The Facebook memoir Careless People was shocking and needs a post of its own.

I continued playing the daily runs on The Last of Us 2. It’s compulsive and sort of boring, but a nice way to reset myself after work. Following some recommendations in the work slack, I picked up Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, hoping for something a little like Planescape: Torment. It’s pretty good – a fascinating storyline and setting. It has all the grind of a role-playing game, but building up stats to take on a boss feels more fun than the grind loops of most open-world games.

Walking through the town centre this month, I passed an anti-trans protestor with some particularly unpleasant slogans on a sandwich board. I decided that saying ‘shame on you’ in passing wasn’t enough, and walked back to suggest that maybe confronting trans people with such things was not a nice thing to do, given the recent attacks on them. Then I saw they had a camera – so the whole thing was basically someone trying to make Youtube content.

Another local story is the geese. I’ve written before about the two geese who nested on a rocky island below the canal bridge, and how people had taken them food and bedding. Some of their eggs were stolen and the rest didn’t hatch. There was another sad story of a Canada gosling abandoned by its parents. And the two sad stories resolved with the gosling being adopted.

Two more paedophile teachers from my school were arrested. It brought out the usual claims that the school had no idea that such things were happening at the time. This is a lie. Everyone knew which teachers were paedophiles, yet they were tolerated by the establishment. When the bounds were overstepped, certain teachers were allowed to retire without sanction. There’s a danger to pretending that our current moral views were held in the recent past.

I’ve been reading Samantha Harvey’s ‘space pastoral’, Orbital: “She finds she often struggles for things to tell people back home, because the small things are too mundane and the rest is too astounding and there seems to be nothing in between” (p17-8)

• The trailer for The Long Walk looks amazing – it’s out in September
• I watched and blogged another time loop movie, Until Dawn.
• While I was in Brighton, I ate my favourite meal at La Choza three times – vegan sweet potato burrito with naga salsa. It was great each time.
• I spent a day throwing up from food poisoning in Blackpool. I’ve not been that sick since I stopped drinking and did not enjoy it at all.

With April, I felt myself emerge from winter. There’s been a little baling out of the chaos that had arisen in my life, such as emails and to-read piles. I now feel caught up and have even done some spring cleaning. I had visits too, from Rosie the puppy and my friend Naomi. Ayng and Rob dropped by, friends I’d not seen since before the pandemic. Then, at the end of the month, Rosy moved in officially. It’s going to take a while to get everything settled, but life feels pretty good right now.

I did a a decent amount of exercise in May. My step total was 400,816, with a daily average of 13,361. The peak was 24,869 on Saturday 12th April, wandering about with the dog. I did some long weekly sessions on the cross-trainer, getting up to 10km on that. Trying to add treadmill into these sessions has been hard, so there is a long way to go, but I see this as building up towards running.

I finished reading Chris van Tulleken’s Ultra-Processed People. It’s an excellent book that has changed my approach to food. I’ve cut out a lot of unhealthy, unnatural things and my body has reacted positively. It’s also brought my impulsive cravings under control. My appetite has felt normal for maybe the first time in my adult life. I don’t know if this will be permanent, but it’s been amazing to feel this change. The book says that removing UPF from the diet often results in losing weight, but that hasn’t happened with me. I put on another 1.4 pounds over the month, bringing my post-November rise to about 6 pounds. I can feel my clothes fitting less well, so I need to bring that under control in May.

I’ve continued to simplify my digital life. My Instagram and Bluesky accounts are gone, and I’ve removed more things from my phone, including my main email. This seems to have reduced my impulse to use the phone as a boredom buster. With Rosy moving in, I’ve also been decluttering my physical life. My bedroom now feels like a calm oasis. These changes seem positive, although I still feel like I am somewhat behind with everything – mostly due to work.

Being able to concentrate means reading more books. I enjoyed Character Limit, a book on Elon Musk’s Twitter purchase (which I’ve written about on the blog). Roisin Lanigan’s I want to Go Home But I’m Already There was an excellent ghost story about the housing crisis (check out this Guardian interview). There was also a new John Higgs book about Doctor Who, Exterminate! Regenerate!, also discussed on my blog.

Reading more has come at the cost of movie-watching – I didn’t see a single film in April! But I did watch several TV shows. The new season of The Last of Us is an entertaining cover version of the game, although Ellie’s actions seem even more troubling. Black Mirror‘s new season didn’t grab me after two-and-a-bit episodes. Rosy and I have embarked on a watch of Yellowjackets, which is a great 90s nostalgia trip. Also, thanks to Rosy, we watched the end of season of Gladiators. That’s a fun show, but the presenters are insufferable. The new season of Doctor Who has been excellent, with Lux being a particularly great episode.

I’ve continued posting on the substack, although I’m considering whether that is taking too much energy that should be spent on longer things. This was prompted by an online debate on light mode vs heavy work. Ultimately, I decided to continue, but I do want a higher-level structure to what I’m doing. As part of this, I’ve been working on some experiments, one of which was inspired by thinking about Pulp Press (who I blogged about in 2009). It will be a while before something emerges, but then that’s the thing about longer work. Meanwhile, I liked the substack pieces I produced, particularly Once I had a Golden Ticket and I’m Sorry Mr Giggles.

Discovery on Spotify seems to have become good again after a year or two of being ropy. At the end of April, they recommended a playlist of alt-sounds from Copenhagen. This was not something I’d considered before but I enjoyed the exploration. The new Wu-Tang album, Black Samson, The Bastard Swordsman, is a return to form. But the occasional clumsy sexism makes me want to remind them that they are adult men in the 50s with families and should be better than that.

Work continues to take a huge amount of energy. I caught myself comparing it to when I used to drink – I’m enjoying it, but it’s not sustainable. I spent the easter weekend trying to catch up and was still behind. I love the job, but I need to strike a better balance.

I keep a scrappy journal, making a few notes on each day before bed. It’s great for spotting trends that might get lost day to day. During April I was complaining about poor sleep, headaches, wandering concentration, weight and a general sense of overwhelm. I’m happy on the scale of weeks, but some individual days feel staticky. The above are all things I need to work on. And it would be easy to get some of them under control.

Not being on Facebook, I only heard about the Hungry Years reunion just before ticket applications closed and decided not to apply. The Hungry Years was a rock club that, for a time, was the centre of my life. I had some great times there, but it was also a period of my life when I was often unhappy. I’d love to catch up with the individuals but going back to the old location for a reunion feels like trying to recapture something that’s gone. Nostalgia is a dangerous thing.

I was emailed by a student who’d read one of my blog posts about Brighton bookshops. They interviewed me for about an hour on how the experience of buying books had changed. That was definitely nostalgia, but with a critical view on things. I’m not sure how useful my responses were, but it was interesting to think about.

A few weeks back, a couple of geese nested on the stony islands on the river. I shared a photo last month of someone delivering bedding to them, as Mrs Goose had picked a barren place to lay. For the past few weeks she’s been comfortably looking after her eggs. One of them has vanished, but the remaining two were still there last time I looked.

• My niece has bought her first set of lambs, which has meant a constant flow of cute photos. I do feel bad that they don’t know what’s coming for them.
• I blogged about my favourite easters.
• Byrony Good has continued to put on some excellent workshops, and I loved her recent ‘botanicals’ session.
• New content dropped for The Last of Us 2 rogue-like. I’m still not bored of that. I tried to play Atomfall but couldn’t get into it. I seem to have very specific requirements for video games.
• A photo I took of Lou Ice was used when she was interviewed by a Welsh news service.
• I’ve spoken a lot about Mastodon but Rob Shearer’s Mastodon Exit Interview is scathing about the platform’s limitations. I think he’s right. I wonder if the indie web is maybe a better starting point than Mastodon for federated social media.
• I love comic book annotations, and was pleased to add something to The Divining Comics wicdiv annotations.
• I had a dream during April that I was dying. I spent most of it making a to-do list in preparation.
• I read an amazing article about Tehching Hsieh’s durational performances.

With March, I started getting back my missing mojo. Which is not to say that the month was easy, but things are getting better. It was also good to have a flow of visitors to the valley: Tom, Graham, Katharine, Muffy, and Laurence. I did some good hikes too, which got the blood flowing. Work was tough but always interesting.

My diet and exercise were mostly slack, not helped by my trainer being away. I put on an extra 2.0 pounds, which means a total of 4.3 since the end of November. I walked 435,256 steps, an average of 14,073, and the most since the 16,000 or so average in March 2024, when I was in a step competition. The longest day’s walking was going back home from Howarth with Tom and Graham. I’m still not running yet, but my gym recently added an elliptical machine. I went in for the first time outside of my sessions and ‘ran’ 5k. It’s good to see I can manage this, and it might help me build up to actual running.

Most of the films that I saw this month were in the cinema, apart from the dire Electric State. I’d loved the trailer for this so much that I read the book before seeing the film, ignoring my rule about picking one medium for adaptations – it’s a good thing I did. The Bridget Jones film was not for me (I don’t think I’ve actually seen the previous ones), and I am Martin Parr was interesting – very odd to watch a film that included footage of the cinema I was in. The Last Showgirl brought out very different opinions from me and Rosy, but I loved it. For the second year running, I watched all 10 Best Picture Oscar nominees (link to blog post). Anora‘s win was well-deserved, but there were some other very strong contenders. Like everyone else, I watched Adolescence, but found myself underwhelmed. The acting was superb, but the one-shot gimmick seemed to constrain most of the episodes. It’s also shit that it takes a drama to set the national agenda.

My reading was disordered at points in March, demonstrated by the fact that I woke up one night because I’d knocked over my bedside pile of books. The only one that stood out in March was The Amplified Come as You Are, Michael Azzerad’s extensive commentary on his 1993 Nirvana biography, which I’ve written about on a separate post. The online story The Ideal Candidate Will be Punched in the Stomach was a great read – and even better for the writer making it grimly plausible.

I’m enjoying No Return mode on The Last of Us: Part 2. This is a roguelike, with a daily challenge. It seems weird to be so in love with one particular game and not taking to any others. I tried a little of Atomfall, but stopped when it made me feel pukey. I need to give it another chance.

Writing has been slow, but I’m continuing to work hard at it. I’m enjoying the weekly stories on substack but I also want to do something substantial. However, I don’t want to spend a lot of time on something I can’t find an audience for (I very much struggle with promotion). I’m thinking a lot about my approach to writing but it also feels like I am getting somewhere with this. I sent out a prototype of a fun thing (picture below), which Justin pointed out was a feelie.

Work was busy, with a run of all-day meetings at the end of the month. My client role continues to feel ambiguous, but one of the challenges of consultancy is introducing structure where it’s missing. I’ve started setting my goals at the start of the week, aiming to set out what I want to have achieved. It seems to be working, but there’s still a way to go.

I was chatting with Dave recently and he suggested that I sometimes talk too much about my frustrations in the monthnotes. My life right now is close to perfect – I share a house with my best friend in a place I love, and my job is both challenging and engaging. I talk a lot about the frustrations (sleep being a big one) but it’s the grit that makes the pearl. So, when you read me complaining here, bear in mind that there’s very little I would change.

My biggest struggle right now is with energy – days in the office are proving particularly exhausting. I ringfence much of my spare time and energy for writing and my daily steps, which leaves little left for a social life. My attendance at my regular in-person writing groups has been sporadic. I’m not sure how to re-prioritise things, but I am benefitting from less time on social media and cutting down task switching. I’ve also turned off all the metrics on my kindle so I can focus on reading better. It feels like things are improving but I still need to get back to something approaching pre-pandemic levels of sociability

Important Hebden Bridge bird news! The geese here always seem to lay their eggs in odd places. One silly goose chose to nest on some bare stones by the river. Rosy and I were delighted to see a kind person delivering bedding to the birds, which has now been used for a proper nest.

• I’ve booked my midsummer holidays. They’re a long way off, but I’m excited to have something to look forward to.
• March brought the 5th anniversary of the first covid lockdowns. I’m still haunted by that experience.
• The Pack Horse Inn has closed once more, which is a tragedy.
• I started to clear the back garden. It’s still a disgrace, but there’s something satisfying about improving it.

January mostly went well, considering how burned out I was in December. I started the year by swimming in Gaddings Dam on New Years Day. Despite the wind and rain, I managed a short dip. I’ve not been wild swimming for a while, and I’m looking forward to going back when it’s warmer.

January has mostly been about resetting things: getting up to speed with my new client; decluttering the house; thinking about the year ahead. There have been lots of irritations – a leak, a flat tyre, a lost Kindle (which was not backed up) and so on. The local train companies have also been bad, inflicting some awful journeys on me – a 90-minute return from Blackpool that took over 6 hours, featuring taxi, bus and 2 miles on foot due to a closed road. But, as tiring and frustrating as some things were, I’m building momentum and generally happy.

I walked 377,040 steps in January, an average of 12,163 daily, with my largest count being 23,245 when I walked to Todmorden and back. I made little impact on the weight I put on in December. My diet continued to be poor for most of the month but I finally got a grip on it, because it made seeing a personal trainer feel like a weird findom kink. The steps continue as a maintenance dose – I’m thinking of committing to a decent 30,000 step hike in February to get the blood flowing. The difficulty will be finding the time.

The January blues struck for my writing, with ideas coming slowly. I’ve also been trying to make writing feel like less of an obligation. For years, I’ve set a daily target of writing for an hour. I decided to stop this, as my goal is not really how long I write for, but how much I enjoy it and whether things are being published. So far, removing that daily goal feels positive. I did consider stopping/slowing the substack too, but decided a weekly email is overall a good thing. I like having a flow of work into the world.

I’ve made more effort to go to writing events, attending a workshop and a local writer’s group. I also published a new zine in a very limited 23-copy edition as a Horkos pledge. I want to do more zines with words and photos.

I’ve managed a little more reading than usual this month, including Jenny Hval’s Paradise Rot, which I received as a Christmas present from Naomi. Another gift was A Brief History of Intelligence from Tom, which turned around my thinking on a lot of topics. I also finally read Will Ashon’s Chamber Music, a set of essays around the Wu-Tang Clan. I watched Muriel’s Wedding which was great, apart from not committing to the obvious lesbian romance. Red Rooms was impressively dark. I also started watching the Oscar nominees; Nickel Boys was a great piece of work, even if I didn’t like it personally.

I tried to spend less time on social media but found myself drawn back. It’s too easy as a default activity when I’m working on my personal laptop. I’m loving Mastodon, but Bluesky and Instagram just feel draining. I wondered if I should delete my accounts but I feel resistant, as if I will be losing something. So much of my life is caught up in a sunk cost fallacy. It’s the same with my walking streak – it feels like I would lose something if I just stopped, even though that’s ridiculous.

The political discourse has added to the stress on social media; but the current situation is hard to understand. I can’t believe that Elon Musk would make what looked like a Nazi salute, and then feel no need to provide a denial or explanation. At the same time, the US media and establishment is pretending that the attack on the Capitol on January 6th 2021 was acceptable. After all the cinematic propaganda about the strength of US institutions, it’s unsettling to see how fragile they actually are. The world feels like it doesn’t make sense.

I’ve been frustrated with Spotify recently, but it has turned up an incredible artist, Midwife. I’ve been playing her recent record on repeat – how can I not fall in love with an album called No Depression in Heaven, whose lead track is Rock N Roll Never Forgets? In the past I’ve found shoegaze/dreampop less haunting or tuneful than I would like; but this is perfect.

I’ve been finding Spotify wearisome. It’s no longer easy to find new music, and the app constantly tries to manipulate my behaviour. All I want is to listen to music and, maybe, podcasts. It’s frustrating that I am restricted to the one official client. Ed Zitron’s Never forgive them is a great screed, and really struck home: “at the drop of a hat, hundreds of millions of people’s experience of listening to music would change based on the whims of a multi-billionaire, with the express purpose being to force these people to engage with completely different content as a means of increasing engagement metrics and revenue”.

I’m still enjoying work, even though I’m finding it tricky. I’ve been playing with React at home, and wrote a blog post on whether Java has a future.

David Lynch died on January 16th. I didn’t feel sad about it. He lived to 78 and made some great, uncompromising work – this seems to be a pretty good life. Also, given the announcements about his health, this was also not unexpected. I’m mostly grateful that he delivered Twin Peaks: The Return, one of the greatest pieces of art I’ve seen.

I re-read Garth Ennis’s 90s comic book Preacher. I loved this at the time but a lot of the edgelord elements are uncomfortable 30 years later. The book’s racism and homophobia is vile, and the machismo feels ridiculous. But, under the bullshit, is a well-told tale about friendship. Also, I was amused to learn that I say “sure thing!” in meetings as it’s what Arseface says.

• I’m still actively terrified about nuclear war, and the New York Times piece The Secret Pentagon War Game That ​Offers a Stark​ Warning for Our Times hasn’t helped.
• I listened to Live through This and thought about how sad I was at the time it was released; such a contrast with how content I feel now.
• I’ve been focussed on relaxing and doing less, but this doesn’t seem to have made me less effective. To think, I could have done this at any time in my life.
• There was a Humble Bundle with 45 volumes of a comic book I read in the 90s. I decided not to buy it, as I wouldn’t have time to read more than a few of those collections. Maybe I’m growing wiser.
• I’ve been making my own stir fry sauces. It turns out to be dead easy and they taste better than the shop-bought ones.

December was a long, worn-out month where I counted the days till my Christmas break. I always exhaust myself as the year ends, but this was worse then usual. I was happy enough, just burning out. It took about ten days to recover after finishing work.

Christmas itself was wonderful. I cooked for my family the Saturday before, then had Rosy and Olive staying for the day itself. We had lots of delicious food, including an amazing vegan cheese selection from Honestly Tasty, and caught a couple of classic Christmas movies at the Hebden Bridge Picture-house. I then had a quiet, wholesome New Years Eve.

The trickiest part of December was adjusting to my new work client. It’s an exciting project but the scale of everything is overwhelming. On top of that, the weekly trip to the client site is a round-trip of 5½ hours. I’d budgeted for this, but it was still a shock. I’m finding ways to improve my commute (one being to leave on the quieter 5.56 train) but there is some way to go.

Despite an irregular schedule, I’ve continued my gym visits and daily steps. I walked a total of 374,259 steps, a daily average of 12,073. My peak was 17,476 steps. My fitness came second to work/celebrations and I put on 1.4 pounds which needs to come off in January.

I’ve talked about my writing in 2024 elsewhere, but December was particularly busy. I gave a seminar at Chichester Uni, released the Mycelium Parish News and did a live event for the Parish News Launch. The Advent Calendar was being read throughout the month, and I think it’s the best project I’ve done – work has now started on next year’s. Having so many things happen in the same month was hard work and, as usual, nothing was marketed as well as it deserved. But I feel inspired and have some interesting ideas for future projects.

Reading for December was mostly finishing books I’d started in previous months. Three books from the month made it onto my best-of-the-year list: Ben Edge’s book on folklore was entertaining, even when going over familiar ground; Daisy Johnson’s Hotel was on of the best horror short story collections I’ve read; and the Michael Lewis book Going Infinite was a gripping book about Sam Bankman-Fried, a subject I’d not thought I would be so interested in.

So many of the books I’m buying are 99p offers from Kindle. If I wait long enough, everything I want to buy turns up there. Knowing this has stopped me buying hardbacks sometimes – it’s frustrating to pay full price a week or two before being offered a bargain. This can’t be good for the publishing industry.

Last month, I received a couple of awards for my contributions at work. This sort of thing used to make me very cynical, but my response to my current job is very different. I love both the client and internal work, especially the conference I helped put on a few weeks ago. This is close to being the longest I’ve had a single job, and I’m amazed at my continued enthusiasm.

But I do need to pace myself better. It took me over a week to clear all the piled things on my desk – which I wish I’d done sooner, given how calm I felt straight after. I tend to clutter my house easily, and I need to do something about that. I read a good forum discussion on house clearances and it made me realise how many things I’m keeping for no reason. I should be using the fancy glasses, not keeping them safe for who-knows-what.

• My flickr account is still live! Maybe I will start posting there again. (But perhaps I should look for a federated image service instead?)
• Spotify Wrapped was disappointing this year. In the past it’s suggested interesting patterns about what I listen to. This year’s just felt like engagement bait.
• A taxi driver asked me what my religion was – not something I’ve been asked in a long time, and I struggled to explain maltheism.
• I’ve continued to avoid reading news and I don’t feel like I’m missing much.

• I picked up a cheap copy of Far Cry 6 at the town market and it seemed underwhelming. As much as I love some video games, I find many of them banal.
• I completed a re-watch of Twin Peaks Season 1 and was surprised at how many scenes I didn’t remember at all, even after seeing the series several times.
• Simon Indelicate’s piece Metrics are the Thief of Joy is essential reading.
• I gave a tarot reading last week. My recall of the cards is sloppy but it was great fun. I really need to have another try at learning this.