Category: monthnotes

January mostly went well, considering how burned out I was in December. I started the year by swimming in Gaddings Dam on New Years Day. Despite the wind and rain, I managed a short dip. I’ve not been wild swimming for a while, and I’m looking forward to going back when it’s warmer.

January has mostly been about resetting things: getting up to speed with my new client; decluttering the house; thinking about the year ahead. There have been lots of irritations – a leak, a flat tyre, a lost Kindle (which was not backed up) and so on. The local train companies have also been bad, inflicting some awful journeys on me – a 90-minute return from Blackpool that took over 6 hours, featuring taxi, bus and 2 miles on foot due to a closed road. But, as tiring and frustrating as some things were, I’m building momentum and generally happy.

I walked 377,040 steps in January, an average of 12,163 daily, with my largest count being 23,245 when I walked to Todmorden and back. I made little impact on the weight I put on in December. My diet continued to be poor for most of the month but I finally got a grip on it, because it made seeing a personal trainer feel like a weird findom kink. The steps continue as a maintenance dose – I’m thinking of committing to a decent 30,000 step hike in February to get the blood flowing. The difficulty will be finding the time.

The January blues struck for my writing, with ideas coming slowly. I’ve also been trying to make writing feel like less of an obligation. For years, I’ve set a daily target of writing for an hour. I decided to stop this, as my goal is not really how long I write for, but how much I enjoy it and whether things are being published. So far, removing that daily goal feels positive. I did consider stopping/slowing the substack too, but decided a weekly email is overall a good thing. I like having a flow of work into the world.

I’ve made more effort to go to writing events, attending a workshop and a local writer’s group. I also published a new zine in a very limited 23-copy edition as a Horkos pledge. I want to do more zines with words and photos.

I’ve managed a little more reading than usual this month, including Jenny Hval’s Paradise Rot, which I received as a Christmas present from Naomi. Another gift was A Brief History of Intelligence from Tom, which turned around my thinking on a lot of topics. I also finally read Will Ashon’s Chamber Music, a set of essays around the Wu-Tang Clan. I watched Muriel’s Wedding which was great, apart from not committing to the obvious lesbian romance. Red Rooms was impressively dark. I also started watching the Oscar nominees; Nickel Boys was a great piece of work, even if I didn’t like it personally.

I tried to spend less time on social media but found myself drawn back. It’s too easy as a default activity when I’m working on my personal laptop. I’m loving Mastodon, but Bluesky and Instagram just feel draining. I wondered if I should delete my accounts but I feel resistant, as if I will be losing something. So much of my life is caught up in a sunk cost fallacy. It’s the same with my walking streak – it feels like I would lose something if I just stopped, even though that’s ridiculous.

The political discourse has added to the stress on social media; but the current situation is hard to understand. I can’t believe that Elon Musk would make what looked like a Nazi salute, and then feel no need to provide a denial or explanation. At the same time, the US media and establishment is pretending that the attack on the Capitol on January 6th 2021 was acceptable. After all the cinematic propaganda about the strength of US institutions, it’s unsettling to see how fragile they actually are. The world feels like it doesn’t make sense.

I’ve been frustrated with Spotify recently, but it has turned up an incredible artist, Midwife. I’ve been playing her recent record on repeat – how can I not fall in love with an album called No Depression in Heaven, whose lead track is Rock N Roll Never Forgets? In the past I’ve found shoegaze/dreampop less haunting or tuneful than I would like; but this is perfect.

I’ve been finding Spotify wearisome. It’s no longer easy to find new music, and the app constantly tries to manipulate my behaviour. All I want is to listen to music and, maybe, podcasts. It’s frustrating that I am restricted to the one official client. Ed Zitron’s Never forgive them is a great screed, and really struck home: “at the drop of a hat, hundreds of millions of people’s experience of listening to music would change based on the whims of a multi-billionaire, with the express purpose being to force these people to engage with completely different content as a means of increasing engagement metrics and revenue”.

I’m still enjoying work, even though I’m finding it tricky. I’ve been playing with React at home, and wrote a blog post on whether Java has a future.

David Lynch died on January 16th. I didn’t feel sad about it. He lived to 78 and made some great, uncompromising work – this seems to be a pretty good life. Also, given the announcements about his health, this was also not unexpected. I’m mostly grateful that he delivered Twin Peaks: The Return, one of the greatest pieces of art I’ve seen.

I re-read Garth Ennis’s 90s comic book Preacher. I loved this at the time but a lot of the edgelord elements are uncomfortable 30 years later. The book’s racism and homophobia is vile, and the machismo feels ridiculous. But, under the bullshit, is a well-told tale about friendship. Also, I was amused to learn that I say “sure thing!” in meetings as it’s what Arseface says.

• I’m still actively terrified about nuclear war, and the New York Times piece The Secret Pentagon War Game That ​Offers a Stark​ Warning for Our Times hasn’t helped.
• I listened to Live through This and thought about how sad I was at the time it was released; such a contrast with how content I feel now.
• I’ve been focussed on relaxing and doing less, but this doesn’t seem to have made me less effective. To think, I could have done this at any time in my life.
• There was a Humble Bundle with 45 volumes of a comic book I read in the 90s. I decided not to buy it, as I wouldn’t have time to read more than a few of those collections. Maybe I’m growing wiser.
• I’ve been making my own stir fry sauces. It turns out to be dead easy and they taste better than the shop-bought ones.

December was a long, worn-out month where I counted the days till my Christmas break. I always exhaust myself as the year ends, but this was worse then usual. I was happy enough, just burning out. It took about ten days to recover after finishing work.

Christmas itself was wonderful. I cooked for my family the Saturday before, then had Rosy and Olive staying for the day itself. We had lots of delicious food, including an amazing vegan cheese selection from Honestly Tasty, and caught a couple of classic Christmas movies at the Hebden Bridge Picture-house. I then had a quiet, wholesome New Years Eve.

The trickiest part of December was adjusting to my new work client. It’s an exciting project but the scale of everything is overwhelming. On top of that, the weekly trip to the client site is a round-trip of 5½ hours. I’d budgeted for this, but it was still a shock. I’m finding ways to improve my commute (one being to leave on the quieter 5.56 train) but there is some way to go.

Despite an irregular schedule, I’ve continued my gym visits and daily steps. I walked a total of 374,259 steps, a daily average of 12,073. My peak was 17,476 steps. My fitness came second to work/celebrations and I put on 1.4 pounds which needs to come off in January.

I’ve talked about my writing in 2024 elsewhere, but December was particularly busy. I gave a seminar at Chichester Uni, released the Mycelium Parish News and did a live event for the Parish News Launch. The Advent Calendar was being read throughout the month, and I think it’s the best project I’ve done – work has now started on next year’s. Having so many things happen in the same month was hard work and, as usual, nothing was marketed as well as it deserved. But I feel inspired and have some interesting ideas for future projects.

Reading for December was mostly finishing books I’d started in previous months. Three books from the month made it onto my best-of-the-year list: Ben Edge’s book on folklore was entertaining, even when going over familiar ground; Daisy Johnson’s Hotel was on of the best horror short story collections I’ve read; and the Michael Lewis book Going Infinite was a gripping book about Sam Bankman-Fried, a subject I’d not thought I would be so interested in.

So many of the books I’m buying are 99p offers from Kindle. If I wait long enough, everything I want to buy turns up there. Knowing this has stopped me buying hardbacks sometimes – it’s frustrating to pay full price a week or two before being offered a bargain. This can’t be good for the publishing industry.

Last month, I received a couple of awards for my contributions at work. This sort of thing used to make me very cynical, but my response to my current job is very different. I love both the client and internal work, especially the conference I helped put on a few weeks ago. This is close to being the longest I’ve had a single job, and I’m amazed at my continued enthusiasm.

But I do need to pace myself better. It took me over a week to clear all the piled things on my desk – which I wish I’d done sooner, given how calm I felt straight after. I tend to clutter my house easily, and I need to do something about that. I read a good forum discussion on house clearances and it made me realise how many things I’m keeping for no reason. I should be using the fancy glasses, not keeping them safe for who-knows-what.

• My flickr account is still live! Maybe I will start posting there again. (But perhaps I should look for a federated image service instead?)
• Spotify Wrapped was disappointing this year. In the past it’s suggested interesting patterns about what I listen to. This year’s just felt like engagement bait.
• A taxi driver asked me what my religion was – not something I’ve been asked in a long time, and I struggled to explain maltheism.
• I’ve continued to avoid reading news and I don’t feel like I’m missing much.

• I picked up a cheap copy of Far Cry 6 at the town market and it seemed underwhelming. As much as I love some video games, I find many of them banal.
• I completed a re-watch of Twin Peaks Season 1 and was surprised at how many scenes I didn’t remember at all, even after seeing the series several times.
• Simon Indelicate’s piece Metrics are the Thief of Joy is essential reading.
• I gave a tarot reading last week. My recall of the cards is sloppy but it was great fun. I really need to have another try at learning this.

November has been very much over-committed, but I just about kept up with everything. In the second half of the month I flirted with burnout. The combination of running a training course at work and my personal deadlines put me under too much pressure. I slowed down enough to get through, but that’s something to be careful about.

Despite the hard work, November was good for getting things done. The Secret Project – a horror advent calendar – went out after a few months of work (and a lot of folding). The text of the 3rd Mycelium Parish News zine was completed. I spoke at an event in London. And, best of all, after 13 years work, True Clown Stories has been published. It looks really good!

November was cold, made a little more frustrating by the fact I was supposed to be in Spain for part of it, but my business trip was cancelled. We had snow in the valley followed by an abrupt rise in temperature that melted it all, overwhelming the drainage. The town was almost flooded, with disaster averted by inches.

Amidst all November’s chaos, I struggled to keep up with training. My weight lurched upwards and concerted effort was needed to keep it on track for an overall gain of just 0.1 pounds over the month. The steps continued despite the dark and cold for a total of 358,596, averaging 11,953 a day. The highest was a mere 19,948 on my trip to London. It’s been a struggle, but I’m pleased that I mostly adhered to training.

The big world news was the US election. I was awake most of that night, watching the results. I gave up around dawn and went for a walk on the moors, which gave me a little perspective. As bad as the result feels, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m annoyed that the news sources I’d read gave me no idea of the size of the victory, which suggested that I was not as well-informed by them as I had thought. Like many people, I had no idea why anyone would vote for Trump against Harris, despite half the electorate thinking he was a sensible choice. I felt that the media had flattered my prejudices rather than explaining the world to me.

I immediately cut down my social media use and filtered terms related to the election. The noise on some platforms was insufferable with a large number of people stoking fear with their takes. The three weeks or so I’ve spent without reading the news is the longest I’ve done in my life, but I’m feeling better for it. I have considered using Wikipedia’s current events portal to keep up with things.

Fending off burnout has meant a few very early nights in November (as in 6pm early) and making more time to read. I enjoyed Andrew Michael Hurley’s Barrowbeck, a collection of linked short stories about a fictional valley-town located near Hebden Bridge. Nicholas Royle’s book on second-hand books, Shadow Lines was a fun light read, which mentioned John Shire and Colin Lyall, my favourite booksellers.

2-Tone comics, my local shop, recommended Beneath the Tree, Where Nobody Sees, a book about a serial killer in a town of cute anthropomorphic animals. This took the concept to some clever, uncomfortable places. I also enjoyed Kieron Gillen’s We Called Them Giants. In the middle of the month, Muffy and I went to the Thought Bubble convention. This was mostly overwhelming, but I picked up some interesting things to read. Meanwhile, Keiron Gillen’s The Power Fantasy has justified the cost of reading it in single issues with some excellent cliff-hangers.

I watched a few movies this month, but Maxxxine was the only one I loved, mainly because Mia Goth is so engaging. I enjoyed how Love Lies Bleeding joyfully went too far. While I didn’t love The Substance it was an amazing cinema experience. The audience perceptibly reacted to some of the unpleasantness, and a few people walked out near the end, which amazed me, given what they’d made it through to that point. But I guess that ending was A Lot.

My main project at work came to an abrupt end, and it was sad to say farewell to an excellent team. After running a training course, I’ve started my new project which promises some exciting challenges. I was also pleased to be chosen as ’employee of the month’ in my local office. After so many years of hating work, I love my current job, even after two years. I’m not sure if the twenty-something me would be pleased or scornful, but I’m happy.

I spent a lovely afternoon in the Tate Modern with Kate Shields. I was delighted to see Piss Flowers by the Helen Chadwick. I’ve always remembered this appearing in Private Eye‘s Pseuds Corner, and being unsettled by this mockery of her artist’s statement. I hadn’t realised it was a major piece of work, so I was amazed to encounter it all those years later. We also visited Anthony McCall’s Solid Light exhibition. The display gave it little context and it’s hard not to take it as an example of ‘instagrammable art’.

As well as all my other writing, I worked on NaNoGenMo, where you use November to try writing software to produce a novel. My attempt was producing an oral history. The resulting text has the blandness of much LLM output and is not engaging enough to read in itself – although it’s still remarkable how easily LLMs produce plausible text. It was good to think about how LLMs work, and I very much enjoyed tinkering with a software project.

I headed into London for the opening of an exhibition at the All Good Bookshop, the final act of a collective I’ve been involved in since 2019. Due to reasons I couldn’t stay for the full event, but I did give an introductory speech. It’s been an interesting project to be involved with, and its dissolution had me thinking more about the importance of Immediatism.

As pleased as I am with my work in November, I did take on more than I should have done. I want to do NaNoGenMo, the Mycelium Parish News and an advent calendar again next year, so I need to reduce their overlap. I’m also looking forward to mid-January, when I’ve cleared my last deadline and I can simply focus on playing with my writing.

So, that’s November. It was a tough month, but I’m pleased with everything I achieved. I’m also glad that I managed to handle the deadlines sensibly, and rested as much as I needed to. December has some hectic commuting, but I’m excited about my (mandatory) vacation over Christmas and getting some rest.

• At the start of the month, I visited an amazing event which included Justin Hopper’s talk The Great Satanic Swindle. Getting the last train home meant missing the last 10 minutes, so hopefully I can catch it again.
• I loved Blindboy’s podcast on The Miserable Blood-Drenched History of Jaffa Cakes, which explored a simple object’s links to colonialism.
• My lack of news is not helping with my nuclear war paranoia. I’m not sure how everyone is so calm about this.
• A new shop in town, Mother, is producing some excellent bread, good enough to have me and others queueing for when it opens.

October was a tough month, for various reasons. for a start, I’ve not been sleeping well. Maybe that’s middle age, or maybe I’m just being sloppy about sleep hygiene. I’ve also felt overwhelmed by the modern world’s deluge of information and I’ve battened down the hatches a little. With everything going on I’ve not had much spare energy, and missed a few events I’d booked tickets for. But, as rough as I feel, I’ve kept moving and it’s not been too bad overall.

It’s felt like I’ve been travelling a lot, to Liverpool, Buxton and London. The second Spirits of Place event was superb, and well worth a tricky trip to the Wirral. I made a quick dash to London for work, where it was lovely to see my colleagues, even if I ended up staying out in Docklands.

Amidst all the chaos, my diet and exercise have been somewhat all over the place. I did however manage a couple of days of the Couch-to-5k – nothing consistent yet, but it’s good to know that my hip can stand more exercise than it used to. I walked 406,606 steps, an average of 13,116 a day, with the highest total being 20,339 for a day in Buxton. Despite a very poor diet, I still managed to lose a pound overall.

I only finished a few books in October. Gretchen Felker-Martin’s Cuckoo was a flawed but impressive horror novel. Uncommon People was a brisk retelling of Britpop which was perfect for a slow Saturday. Movies were also thin on the ground, but I saw The Outrun at my local cinema, featuring a Q&A by Amy Liptrot. It was very strange to watch a biographical movie and then see the film’s subject in person.

Work was hard this month. Despite all my efforts with my current project, it was cancelled for reasons outside of my control. I was a little nervous about having to find a new role, but made some progress.

Last month, I realised that I was a little over-committed with my writing until January. I’ve continued working through these obligations and none of them have felt like a chore. I also did a few new substack pieces that I’m very happy with: The Bleak Stag, When Dad got the Bomb, Copthwaite’s Amusement Park. The short stories continue to flow and surprise me, which I love, but I’m also thinking about how I can do perhaps start doing something more with my writing.

True Clown Stories is at the proofing stage. Reading it once more, I found that most of the stories still work for me. Hopefully this will be published in November. I’m looking forward to seeing what other people make of these pieces.

At one point in October, I found myself waiting somewhere with no phone battery. I had no idea how long I would be there and had nothing to do but sit and think quietly. It’s the first moment of quiet I’ve had in a long time. I let my thoughts wander, tried to remember bits of poetry. I realised there’s a whole state of mind that technology and lifestyle has eliminated for me. It’s something I’d like more of. I think I might be happier in a life without messaging apps, but I can’t see myself getting rid of WhatsApp. But more quiet time would be good.

• Ryan Broderick has started a new podcast called Panic World. I particularly enjoyed the episode where he interviewed Caroline Calloway.
• The new Indelicates album, Avenue QAnon is now on Spotify.
• I had the latest covid and flu jabs, which wiped me out so much I ended up taking a day off work.
• The house has been covered in scaffolding for much of the past month, but the good news is that the roof has been completely redone.
• I found a new writing group in Hebden Bridge and went along to a meeting. Hoping to make some more in the near future.

I like that some of my zines are currently in a university library

September has been an odd month, not standing out as any particular thing. That’s not to say it’s been bad: work was engaging, I caught up with some friends, and I visited London and Alton Towers. But the weather has turned, with the cold waking me at night a few times. I’ve been having incredible, intense dreams. I’m trying to do too much. Life has felt unsettled. Good, but unsettled.

London was fun – I saw the Indelicates perform their new record Avenue QAnon, then went to Borough Market with Emma. Later in the month I visited Alton Towers for my sister’s birthday. At the start of September, Katharine visited for a few days, which was lovely. Rosy has been away much of the month, but our friend Kate has been staying instead.

My walking continues at 10,000 steps a day, which is a little too much for doing the same routes in the valley, but I’m keeping the target high for my training. The total was 362,270 steps, with an average of 12,076 and a peak of 20,302 from walking around Alton Towers. I’m slowly shedding weight from the personal training, with another 3 pounds gone over September. I’m happy with this gradual pace. The training sessions have loosened my shoulders and I’m making progress with fixing my years-long hip injury. I should be running again in October.

Over the past few months, I’ve accumulated too many books, so in September I aimed to read more than I acquired. A highlight was Hit So Hard, the biography of Patty Schemel, drummer from Hole. This was a terrifying portrait of addiction, and it took me a while to realise what made this so stark. I’ve read very few women writing about addiction and I think the difference here was having no trace of boastfulness alongside the regrets. I also read several graphic novels, including some Astro City compilations. Steve Erickson’s Shadowbahn was an impressive but sometimes difficult novel that starts with the Twin Towers re-appearing in the Dakota Badlands.

I’m not sure if it’s the reading, but I only watched three movies this month, and all of them in the cinema. Alien: Romulus was another disappointing sequel and Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice seemed surprisingly good in comparison – mainly because it wasn’t obvious what would happen at any particular point. The best thing I saw was Hollywoodgate, a documentary about the Taliban airforce which alternated between hilarity and horror.

I continue to love my job more than any other one I’ve held – it’s challenging, but at just the right level, and I’m working as part of an excellent team. I am a little worried by the rumours of a return-to-office edict. I don’t think I can do more than two days a week commuting, And it would be ridiculous to travel to an office just to spend the day on calls to my distributed team.

Among all the other things I’ve been doing, I found a little time to play with embeddings and vector databases. I also wrote a review of I Am Code, a book that had some interesting ideas around generating literature with LLMs. I wish I had more time to learn about technology. But I guess it’s good that I am discovering so many things through work that I want to spend time on.

I continued writing on the substack, with my favourite new stories being A Shrine to Light Entertainment and How to Write Cosmic Horror. The substack gives me an energy around my writing that I’ve not had since around 2010 (although I am missing the opportunities I had to perform back then). The most exciting thing is how I seem to be getting better at tuning into stories and finishing them; and I like the new pieces I’m writing.

At the start of the month, I tallied up how many projects I have in progress between now and January 23rd, and was shocked to find 10 of them:

• ASAP: Completing the edits on True Clown stories
• Weekly: My regular story email
• October: planning a walk on a Liverpool ley line
• November: a talk for the Invisibles unconvention in London
• November: working on a piece for NaNoGenMo
• November: sending out my Secret Project
• December an undergraduate lecture on the comic book Promethea
• December: sending out the 2024 Mycelium Parish News
• December: a talk and event to launch the Mycelium Parish News
• January: a new walking zine (my Horkos pledge)

Obviously, this a A Lot, but should be fine as long as I’m organised. I’m making sure to do regular small bits of work on each of these.

I received some worrying news recently, that my sister’s dog was going blind. It explained a few things, like why she couldn’t catch. It was very sad but there was apparently nothing to be done, although a last ditch referral to an opthalmologist was suggested. After a brief examination, the canine ophthalmologist said that Rosie is not going blind as the vet had suggested, but rather she is just ‘fucking clumsy’.

At the start of the month, I had some surprise dental work. I calmed myself during this by thinking through routes from Death Stranding. It made me long to revisit the game, but playing it didn’t feel all that fun. It was the same with returning to Days Gone – the memories of these games are great, but spending time on them felt dull. I’d like to enjoy video games more than I do.

I’m continuing to love being on mastodon. It seems to have that early twitter vibe of friendly people having positive conversations. My theory is that it’s because nobody uses algorithmic feeds, reducing the incentives for attention-at-any-cost. I also seem to be get more interaction on mastodon than I do on Bluesky or Twitter, which is surprising given my smaller audience. The other social networks keep me coming back to click aimlessly when I’m tired, but maybe I just need to log out for a while.

The new Indelicates album Avenue QAnon is one of the best records I’ve listened to in years. Part of this was the slow release of information in the run-up, which felt like the growing expectation I had about records in the 90s. The new songs are catchy, bleak and funny, with Live, Laugh, Love in particular sticking in my head. I’m hoping this record gets the attention it deserves – I think this is an important album I recently found myself comparing it to The Holy Bible.

• I used to put the Nine Inch Nails instrumental A Warm Place on repeat as I fell asleep and I love this new orchestral version.
• Kieron Gillen’s The Power Fantasy is one of the best comics launches I’ve read in years, and is worth the outrageous cost of single issues nowadays. Superheroes as nuclear war allegory.
• The NYT’s article on The Prince We Never Knew reminded me how remarkable Prince was, while being open-eyed about his flaws. I hope we do one day get to see this documentary.

• My parents celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary this year. Wow.
• I’m usually scornful of any adaptations that cling to close to earlier versions, but the new The Last of Us trailer has me desperate to see the new season – even if nostalgia is death
• Warren Ellis’s Department of Midnight podcast has finished an excellent first season. I’m not a fan of narrative podcasts, but this was gripping. Good enough to listen to at 1x speed.

• An Atlantic article (archive) introduced me to Tiktok star Savannah Moss and her amazing shortform videos.
• That AI-generated podcast where the hosts learn that they are AIs is genuinely unsettling
• I had a message from Ellen de Vries, reminding me of my first visit to Hebden Bridge, when we came here to run a writing workshop.

August was another month of catching up with myself. Rosy was mostly away, so the house was very quiet – althought I did have Rosie the puppy to stay for a week. It’s been an odd month – I was doing admin on my own life which feels like a waste of time – but I am on a more even keel. August just didn’t feel as exciting as it should have done.

I spent a week at a writing retreat. Spending my leave messing around with old notes rather than adventuring was a waste of time – but I feel better for clearing that clutter. Being looked after for a week and not having to worry about meals freed up a lot of time. It’s become obvious that my writing has bogged down in big ideas when I work better by building things up from sentences, so I deleted a lot of notes. So, I’m glad I did it, but I’d rather not do it again. The danger with having a writing practise is turning your entire life into homework.

But then, reading through some old blog posts, I see this isn’t the first time I’ve done this: in November 2008 I was also struggling with too many accumulated notes. This is why journals like this blog are so valuable – you can see where you’ve failed to change, where you are lying to yourself. So the question I need to ask myself is: how will things be different this time?

Scheduling two gym visits a week continues to be stressful, but the exercise routine is paying off. I’m more flexible after a few months of feeling achy and decrepit. Calorie deduction is helping me lose weight. While the weight loss is slow (5 pounds in August) I’m happy with the gentle but consistent pace. As part of getting fit, I’ve been doing at least 10,000 steps a day, managing 404,323 over the month for an average of 13,040 a day. My highest total was 27,390 on a day where I walked from Todmorden to Hebden Bridge. I’m still feeling unengaged with walking and would be doing less if the steps were not in my training plan.

With Rosy being away I watched a lot of movies at home – 27 over the month. Some I hated, such as a rewatch of Dead Poets Society where it was obvious John Keating was an utter prick. I did see some excellent movies – 11 at 4½ stars or more, including Lawrence of Arabia, The Vanishing, The Fly (such body horror), The Banshees of Inisherin, The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover and We’re All Going to the World’s Fair. The Big Short was remarkable for taking a somewhat dull story and finding a compelling way to tell it. I worried that Amelie would be bad on a rewatch but found I loved it as much as when I first saw it.

I went to the cinema a few times over the month. catching up with a couple of movies I had missed – Longlegs was interesting and creepy (review) and I Saw the TV Glow was one of the best films I’ve seen this year (review). Muffy took the train from Blackpool to Hebden for the evening to watch the latter with me. I ended the month watching Midsommar at the cinema with Rosy and our friend Jay. I was delighted that Rosy liked it as much as I did.

I find it rewarding to write my movie reviews on Letterboxd – the way it builds a record of what I’ve experienced – but I’m also aware of how mundane many of my reviews are. I’m not as interesting as I think I am. Or, rather, these accounts fail as criticism as I don’t have a critical point of view – some movies are dull or fail to work for me, and I have little to respond to on those. But overall, I enjoy keeping that journal.

Work has been dominated by preparations for the annual performance reviews, which involve an incredible amount of paperwork. I’m always convinced that I am doing terrbily – which objectively cannot be true – and I feel a sense of dread about the whole thing. I know it’s not justified, but I will be glad when this is over. That said, I am still loving this job as I come towards the two-year mark, which has not happened before.

I use my kindle for reading articles, which means it’s been clogged up for a while, but I finally cleared everything (more admin!). I abandoned Stephen King’s Fairy Tale halfway through – the mundane plot was incredible, but the fantasy bit bored me to tears. In Esquire’s ranking of all 77 books, this book came 14th, which surprised me. Maybe I’ll try again some time – I’ve read almost all of King’s works, but I’m apparently not a completist.

Otherwise, I’ve been enjoying some comic books. Keiron Gillen’s Power Fantasy is superheroes as nuclear diplomacy, and the first issue was good enough that I’m paying to read it as a monthly. I’ve also been re-reading Nailbiter through the compendium. I finished the first nine volumes of Saga which I’d picked up cheap. It was entertaining but a little too much melodrama and ‘edgy’ language for me to continue.

We had a tech conference in Hebden Bridge. I enjoyed my day at Wuthering Bytes (write-up here) and saw some great talks. My favourite was Libby Miller’s Poking holes in reality with prototypes. It got me thinking about the opportunities for doing more with my writing and being more playful.

I am very lucky to live near a wonderful second-hand bookshop. Jay and I went to Lyall’s in Todmorden, and both came out with a pile of weird and wonderful books. I filled a rucksack with my haul, which included books on Antarctic art, mazes, sock puppets and more. I then had to carry eight kilograms of books on the four-mile hike that followed. But it was worth it.

• News seems to be happening so fast right now. It’s hard to believe that August started with a series of riots.
• Warren Ellis’s new podcast Department of Midnight has launched, and the first two episodes were superb. I find audio drama difficult to get into, but these stories were compelling.
• I finally tidied the garden enought to want to sit out there (just before the weather turned).

That’s August done, which means another summer over. I feel like I’ve been a little complacent with this one. Next year, I think should be more ambitious with my planning. I’ve also promised to provide myself with more space to play, keeping fewer tasks on my todo list app. The days where I float a little, seeing what I’m in the mood for, are days that take me by surprise and where I do interesting things. I want my life to feel less like a job.

July has been an unfocused month with too much clutter, both real and virtual. I prioritised work but, outside of that, I’ve been unreliable. I should know better – the first thing to do when feeling swamped is to clear everything down, making it easy to see what needs doing. By the end of the month, things were better, but July was a little chaotic. All that aside, it has been fun – my first trip to Brighton in over a year, visits from old friends, and the Horkos ceremony. Rosy was in Hebden Bridge most of the time and we had several visitors, including Tom visiting from the US.

Being back in Brighton was strange. So many little things had changed since my last visit. The first thing I did after getting off the train was to visit La Choza which I’ve missed a great deal. The food tasted even better than I remembered. I caught up with a few friends but for once took care not to overstretch myself. It was lovely to celebrate Katharine’s 50th.

It’s been another quiet month for walking – total 375,006 steps, average 12,097, and the biggest day being 20,856. I’m continuing to visit the gym, although it’s hard to adjust to the new routines. I’m also struggling with my ongoing injury, but a new physio seems to have spotted the issue, a weakness in my right leg. I have a new set of exercises which will hopefully fix things.

My writing is going well. I was particularly pleased with a new story, The 4th Film. I produced a complete text for the True Clown Stories kickstarter, as well as an initial text for the secret project, which is now off with a designer. The substack has passed a year old. I considered whether to stop there, but I’ve decided to refocus on short, weird horror stories.

I didn’t watch many movies in July and missed several interesting new releases. Terminator 2 was a fun nostalgia trip, although it’s amazing how small it appears compared to modern CGI. Skywalkers: A Love Story didn’t always work as a documentary, but contained some stunning footage. Muffy and I went to the Blackpool IMAX for Deadpool 3, which was a competent MCU movie.

I’d planned to be travelling on July 4th but after the election announcement, Rosy and I decided to stay up all night for the results. After the chaos and mismanagement of the last few years I was delighted to see the back of the old government. I even made party poppers for the results I was most looking forward to. Staying awake was hard work, but I was determined to see Jacob Rees-Mogg lose his seat. I’m not particularly excited about the new government, who seem to have taken expectation management to a ridiculous level. But it’s good to feel like there are adults in charge.

This post was slowed down by me breaking my webserver with a botched Linux upgrade. I wasn’t able to restore things from Jetpack backups, so I rebuilt everything from a four-year-old OS image. I’m not sure everything is 100% back to normal, and I think I’ve broken all the permalinks. A lot of hassle that I didn’t really need.

A few years back, I helped a friend with rhymewave, an online rhyming dictionary. I was delighted when he showed me a link to Still Number 1, a track by Hindi rapper Emiway that refers to the site.

Weird to see H&M selling T-shirts of NIN’s Downward Spiral as fashion:

June was a packed but tiring month. It started with the EMF Camp festival, included a visit to Blackpool, a holiday in Wales and many visitors. I came to the end of it worn out, not helped by poor sleep and hurting my back.

Going to EMF Camp with Emma was great fun. I was a little shocked on arrival to learn that my talk was in the largest venue. I’m not sure how many people attended, but I had a decent audience in a 1,000-seat venue. I didn’t disgrace myself, and had some lovely conversations afterwards. The festival was a little overwhelming – it was my first since the pandemic started. I enjoyed catching up with a few old friends, including a visit to ‘the Brighton consultate’. EMF Camp 2024 will be remembered for an ‘orphan source’ incident, where some radioactive materials went missing onsite (now listed on wikipedia).

We had a full house to celebrate my birthday, which was lovely. The day itself was spent in Wales at a week-long gathering of about 30 people, with communal meals, estuary swimming and a Midsummer Ceilidh where everyone (including me) made monster masks. I got a carried away when one of the dances was announced as a competition to see who could dance longest, summoning my best inner-Florence-Pugh, but my partner and I came third.

My walking continues to be a maintenance dose, with a total of 372,184 steps, an average of 12,406. My longest day was my birthday, where I managed a total of 22,115 steps. I started a ‘transformation course’ at a local gym, figuring that I needed a short, sharp shock to help me back to fitness. The first cardio session destroyed me, and showed that my body is not as strong as I would like, given that it took over a week to recover.

I’m feeling a little funny about my writing. I’m approaching a full year of running the weekly substack. I’ve enjoyed it, but I also question the amount of energy that I put into my writing. What do I actually want from it? Part of this is wanting to try new forms as I feel I’m at the limit of what interests me about the things I’m currently writing. I tried a few experiments with Mastodon but they didn’t feel right. And an attempt to work on a new zine in Wales frustratingly came to nothing. But, I guess, the answer lies in writing more than thinking about writing. Stop doing the things that I’m not enjoying, focus on the ones that I do.

I do miss performing. I did a very small spoken word set on a staircase in Wales, where Rosy also performed some of her new poetry. I read five stories in three minutes. I can’t see any way to do this more often, other than crashing open mics – or doing the dreaded one man show. Or maybe this is connected to my frustrations with writing, and I need to think about how I can get more direct response for my work.

Work continues to be challenging, mostly in postive ways; I enjoy being a consultant rather than simply a programmer. We had a ‘miniconf’ at work during June, where I did a talk on computer-generated novels (another performance!) which seemed to go well. Our team had an in-person day in Leeds, and it was great to see my colleagues in real life. I ended the month with a trip to the JManc Unconference, which has me resolving to spend more time programming for fun.

The election started out dull and seems to have gone on too long – but the massive failure of Sunak to run a campaign has been amusing. I’ve already decided I won’t vote Labour due to their stance on nuclear weapons. But, given the polling for my constituency, that’s not a difficult decision, since the Tory candidate is unlikely to win. While a Labour victory seems assured, the national mood seems a long way from 1997. Britain feels tired out, and it looks like we’re a long way from anything improving.

Reading continues to be slow. I’ve still not finished Annie Jacobsen’s nuclear war book since I can manage only a small section at a time. RF Kuang’s Yellowface was an entertaining and dark satire. It was very much a book about writing, and contained some interesting reminders of how aiming for ‘success’ can leach away the joy that gets people into writing. Hanna Bervoets’s We Had to Remove this Post was a wonderful and disturbing novella about content moderation.

No new movies have blown me away this month, and the latest season of Dr Who underlined the usual rule that it works better with intimate dramas than the fate of the universe. The best film I saw was a rewatch of Three Kings, which I gave 5 stars.

My best friend’s daughter invited us to come with her and some friends to see Bikini Kill. Watching the band onstage, I realised how much Olympia punk had inspired me and what it has meant to me. After so many years in corporate life I’m hardly punk myself, but I’m still inspired by that passion.

I wrote a little last month about the joys of personal archives, like digital photo albums or these monthnotes. There was a great article in the New Yorker by David Owen, How to Live Forever, which looks at how such things unlock memories. He quotes Marilu Henner “By really exploring your past, or remembering it in some way, you get a piece of your life back. Your life becomes longer and richer, and kind of stretches in the middle.” I’m into the fifth year of these monthnotes, and they are already valuable for that, particularly with the mushiness of pandemic memories.

Life comes in ebbs and flows and June has been intense. I’ve also been overwhelmed with to-do lists, and worry that they’ve distracted me from what I actually want and enjoy. Something to focus on in the coming month.

• The release for the Indelicates’ new album Avenue QAnon comes closer with the new single, 4CHAN (THERE’S SOMETHING GOING DOWN ON /POL/).
• I’m delighted to see Chapelle Roan blowing up. I’ve been listening to her on Spotify for a while but it’s great to hear people being excited about her in the real world.
• I’m increasingly frustrated with people on trains listening to music without headphones. Someone on Mastodon blamed this on the loss of headphone jacks.
• I tried to get into Tiktok, but the magic algorithm doesn’t seem as wonderfl as promised, showing me mostly rollercoasters and footage of musician Flora Algera.
• I loved listening to musician Buttress appearing on the Women Talking About Their Lives podcast.
• Another good podcast episode was Why Didn’t Chris and Dan get into Berghain? on Search Engine, which went off in some interesting directions.
• In Wales, someone did a close card-magic show and my mind is still blown from that.
• I forgot about the video where Mike Skinner from the Streets talks about Peter Mandelson’s comeback.

Life still feels pretty good at the moment, but it also feels like hard work. Part of this is that I was committed to giving three talks between May 28th and June 12th. I’ve also continued to feel like I was a little behind with everything. May brought two bank holidays and neither felt particularly relaxing. However, it was lovely to have lots of guests in the house during the month, including several visitors for Rosy’s birthday.

Walking continues to be a maintenance dose, with my target at 8000 steps a day. The daily average was a mere 10,489 steps a day for a total of 325,147 over the month. The highest total was 17,150 from my friend Laurence coming to visit, and being given a tour of the town. I’ve actually committed to an exercise programme starting in June which will hopefully get some control over my fitness.

My weekly writing on the substack continues, and I was particularly happy with Skin Fever, a piece I wrote for Wednesday Writers. I also released a zine, Once Upon a Time in Brighton and Hove, which is basically my sixth South Downs Way collection. I’ve not done very much promotion of this – I sent out some free copies, but these haven’t received much response. I’m pleased with how the writing is going, compared to where I was a year ago, but needs a change in approach to build momentum. The substack has been great for getting me to publish stories, but I want to focus on larger works. I’ve an idea about experimenting with novella-sized fictions, which can be shared on the substack as works-in-progress.

The local elections were at the start of May, and felt like an imposition as I’m not feeling particularly engaged with party politics. At the end of the month, the government announced the general election for July 4th. I’ve long expected that this would be closer than the polls are claiming but the shoddy launch suggests this will not be the case. The chaotic Tory campaign has been entertaining so far.

I watched slightly fewer movies than usual in May, and a couple were re-watches. I went to the Blackpool IMAX to watch Furiosa, which was bitterly disappointing. The best thing I saw was And the King Said What a Fantastic Machine, a documentary about the history of film. This was delightfully sprawling and full of provocative footage, a little like an Adam Curtis documentary, but without the overarching narrative.

I also watched most of Castle Rock season 1 before running out of steam. It felt a little too much like a drama, but it was interesting to see Stephen King done as an aesthetic. Dinosaur was a charming BBC comedy series. I tried watching Baby Reindeer. Despite it being a true story, I couldn’t believe that the main character would not immediately spot how odd/dangerous Martha was. The new Doctor Who series is good, but I’m taking time to settle into having a new Doctor.

My reading was a little less disordered than it has been, and I finished six books. Joelle Taylor’s The Night Alphabet was a patchwork novel, sometimes frustrating, but ultimately one I’m glad I read. Kathleen Hanna’s biography Rebel Girl was inspiring, but harrowing in places. I also read part of Annie Jacobsen’s Nuclear War: A Scenario but I’ve been taking it slow as it is so terrifying. Stephen King’s new collection You Like it Darker had some excellent stories. King has reached the stage of his career where everything feels elegaic. While some of the stories were simplistic and unremarkable, there were others that were moving.

Rory Stewart’s account of his time in government, Politics on the Edge was interesting. Stewart was undoubtedly effective as a minister, but the reasonable tone he takes against the idiocy of everyone else makes you wonder if there’s sometimges another side of the story. His portrait of Boris Johnson’s time in the Foreign Office is withering and suggests that the current system isn’t working.

I’m continuing to enjoy music, but I’m missing the music papers and the context that they gave context to upcoming releases. Nowadays music simply appears on streaming and I miss the background that reviews and promotional interviews gave. Among this month’s new releases was a Ghostface Killer album, but a homophobic slur made me drop that pretty fast. I also went out to a live gig when Zheani came to Manchester.

I’ve been mostly logged out of Twitter and Bluesky, having tired of social media’s current form. I’ve been posting regularly to my mastodon account, where I probably have more monthly posts than readers. But its good to return to the original feeling of microblogging. I’m completly ignoring Threads and Facebook. I have an account on the latter as I need to contact some local groups, but I am not adding anyone who’s not based in the valley. Given Facebook continues to allow problematic content, I want to give it as little support as possible.

On Rosy’s birthday, sat on the sofa with her and Olive, we went though the years of photos on my phone. It was a great way to to review memories – nights out, festivals, walks, hangover selfies – seeing us grow over the space of minutes. I think it’s good to have these sorts of archives. These monthnotes are another example.

The first of my three talks was for work, about Java on Serverless. I put a lot of work into it but, when it was delivered, it felt light and inconsequential. It could probably have had more technical details. Otherwise, work has been going a little better and I feel more on top of things. Consultancy means being busy on many simultaneous, unrelated projects, and I’m finding that doing tasks promptly is helping me to feel less swamped.

• Since Christmas, I’ve been wearing a beard, but decided to remove it this month.
• I picked up a free sunflower from the station cafe at the start of the month, but it stubbornly refused to grow, despite me taking very great care of it.
• Rosy and I discovered the Merlin app, and have been using it to identify local birds.
• I made my first drive since January and discovered that I’d wrecked the car battery through driving so rarely.
• On a drive later in the month, I had more car trouble. I am tiring of driving and wondering if train/taxi might be a cheaper combination for my rare journeys.

Lists of advice on the internet can be trite, but I found this suggestion from Kevin Kelly incredibly moving: “When you think of someone easy to despise—a tyrant, a murderer, a torturer—don’t wish them harm. Wish that they welcome orphans into their home, and share their food with the hungry. Wish them goodness, and by this compassion you will increase your own happiness.” I love the idea of wishing for redemption rather than harm.

April was a weird month. I felt unsettled in work, and a little overwhelmed in the rest of my life. But I’ve also been happy to have a housemate for a large part of the time, with Rosy coming to stay. We also had a visit from Naomi Foyle, as well as a big group outing with my friends Dan and Jill to see Joelle Taylor reading from her new book. I also made a flying trip to London with work.

The Kickstarter for True Clown Stories hit its target, which is great news, meaning that the book will finally emerge after 14 years. Running a kickstarter was odd – after the initial launch it was hard to figure out what to do next, given how little reach social media now has. I’ve also continued writing the substack, which is going well. At times this month focus has been a struggle, but when I have settled down to actually write, it’s felt good. Sending the weekly emails is helping me to take writing more seriously.

After completing the 10-week step challenge, I dialled my daily target down to 10,000, which has felt a little tricky. Walking so much was easy in a sprawling city like Brighton, but it’s a little harder to find enough routes here to keep me interested. My daily average was 12,746, with a peak of merely 19,335. I’ve dropped my target to 8,000 steps for May.

It was another month where I struggled with reading, and only finished a couple of books. One of these was Scarlett Thomas’s excellent new novel The Sleepwalkers, which I read alongside my friend Jane. I started reading the Nadine Dorres book about the ‘plot’ against Boris Johnson. It wasn’t quite bad enough to be entertaining, but there’s an unsettling narrative here, with a dangerous conspiratorial view of politics. I can’t work out if this Dorres believes her own work, and she’s not quite a good enough writer to be able to tell if the spy novel flourishes are ironic.

I continue to struggle with backlogs, and it feels a little like trying to push down an air-bubble. For example, I catch up my email, but that sends more newsletters to the Kindle. Emails, text messages, RSS feeds, all constantly filling up. A few quiet weekends have helped me catch up properly, but I’m not sure how sustainable this is.

It’s the second month on my new project and work has been hard. Things are less structured than I am used to and I’ve not been enjoying the lack of clear goals. I have been enjoying working with typescript after almost 25 years of Java. Typescript feels less fussy and more responsive. I made a trip down to London to spend time with everyone on the project, which was lovely.

Another month where I watched a lot of movies. Ginger Snaps and Badlands were highlights, along with a rewatch of Bottoms. Monkey Man featured some impressive action sequences but relied on lazy, misogynistic tropes. I watched all of True Detective IV in about 24 hours, loving the acting and production values. The plot felt a little inconsequential but was redeemed by the last twenty minutes. I also watched the classic Dr Who story Pyramids of Mars, which was more entertaining than I expected.

I’ve had some quiet weekends, and one day, running errands in town on a Sunday, I realised that this is basically my personal paradise. I love living in the valley.

• I left Facebook several years back, disgusted by their behaviour around Myanmar. But I’ve been forced to open an account there, as a lot of local tradespeople and events only appear there. I’m only adding people I know from up here.
• My theory about my 25+ years of headaches being down to dehydration was proved correct as I forgot to drink one Friday afternoon and was knocked out with a massive headache the following day.

• The Quietus published a great article on unjustly forgotten 90s band Silverfish, which had some interesting observations on pre-Britpop Indie.
• I bought Annie Jacobsen’s book Nuclear War: A Scenario, but it’s hard work. The prologue alone was terrifying. One effect it’s had is changing my political leanings – I will not vote for a Labour party that endorses nuclear weapons.